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StarchHEFP wrote:Every now and then my mostly vegan and occasionally carnivore spouse (we've cut out eggs and milk in the house except for yogurt and cheese of course) erupts in angry tirades about my being "vegan" and how offensive it is. This comes up probably because I let her go out with the kids for their carnivorous meals, and I choose to stay home peacefully and mindfully prepare my own meal and eat it quietly. I choose to be excluded from many family events. Recently, I have become so repulsed by the smell of meat when they warm up meatballs to eat with spaghetti I literally have to leave the dining room, otherwise I might hurl. I have asked my spouse to keep stuff separate, like a wooden spoon and a cooking pot kept separately for the meat dishes, and recently I committed the crime of using a separate sponge to wash out the meat-laden cooking pan. This was all too much for her, and she erupted into saying something like, if you had a problem with my eating meat, you should have not married me! and also talking about that everything was fine when I ate meat, and so on... I was left almost completely speechless, when I tried to get a few words in, she lashed back like a tiger who was interrupted from their meal. Wow. I was left sad and lonely again, as usual, quietly grieving for my lifestyle choice and how it's left me all alone many times.
Anyone had similar experience? It's almost like she's choosing to defend the meat eating over our relationship.
OneLeggedPig wrote:That’s tough. I live with my girlfriend and sometimes she gets annoyed about me eating this way- being a vegan AND wanting to avoid oil and whatnot too.
I think you have to be able to separate this from them as a person a bit. She might be actually annoyed about something else, and it comes out this way- or perhaps feels guilt about her own choices, making her feel defensive.
If it goes on then I think it helps to be clear and assertive. Sometimes I have to stop and say very firmly for my girlfriend that I can eat how I want to, and that there is nothing wrong with being healthy. Then I say that I can’t force her to eat healthily but I’m not going to change or be put off by her getting angry, so she may as well just stop it.
I think she’s more used to it now but it does still cause occasional small arguments. If that’s the price to pay then I accept it.
I don’t blame you for taking yourself out of a lot of social events. People delight in eating rubbish when they get together and it’s not fun to be there if you just want to eat well.
openmind wrote:To be honest, I felt like lashing out at my wife, who was vegetarian while I was a meat eater, a couple of times before I became a McDougaller. I held my tongue though, and I am glad I did, because I am now much stricter than she ever was.
I guess at it's core I felt my wife was making life slightly more difficult for me with her vegetarianism, and I was annoyed.
my4kidsmom wrote:Is it possible this is NOT about food? It sounds to me like your spouse is actually missing time with you! Of course, she is blaming the food... because she sees it as the problem. When you ate meat, you never stayed at home while she went to these functions alone with the kids-right? If you send her and the kids out to eat, and you stay home... she is not with you. If you stay home while she goes to parties or get-togethers, then she is without you again. To her, you are picking your vegan diet over time with her.
It seems to me that all she wants is her husband back... not necessarily for you to eat meat.
Just my thoughts!
Werner1950 wrote:I am inclined to agree with the above poster. Are there other things that you enjoy doing together?
I know that when my wife and I are watching a movie together on TV, and I start playing solitaire on my tablet, she gets annoyed, because she enjoys enjoying things TOGETHER with me. It has been the occasion of a few verbal dust-ups. It's not about the movie. It's about being present with her.
I also know about the "making her feel guilty" inadvertently part. We went through that stage as well, where she perceived me as being on the high road.
She has now adopted my way of eating due to a health scare of her own, so we are not past that.
I'm sorry that you are having this difficulty.
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