I wasn’t going to post because I haven’t been very compliant, but then I remembered that one of the reasons I started this journal was to document the things that get me off track so I can try to avoid them in the future.
My mood has been pretty low for the last week, and my anxiety is near an all time high. I’ve been cancelling appointments and social obligations and anything else I can cancel, and spending all my time reading or listening to audiobooks as an escape (from what, I’m honestly not sure - the stress of renovating the new house? Dealing with events I’ve been avoiding for decades in therapy? My dad’s cancer?)
I am eating a lot of sweets and comfort food, because in the moment I just want something that can boost my mood or distract me from my feelings, even if I’m the long run they aren’t helping and may even be hurting. I guess it’s a bit like an addiction in a way - I know it’s bad for me and possibly shortening my life, but it lets me escape my problems in the moment and feel good so I do it anyway.
At the time, I justify it as something I need to feel better, almost like it’s self care, but really it’s the opposite. If I truly want to support myself and improve my mood more lastingly, I need more starches, fruits and veggies, and less sugar and added fats. It is hard to resist a piece of chocolate or a take out sandwich, but if I can try to keep my focus on the longer term, even in terms of hours or days, Maybe I can get back to the good habits I had established before my trip.
I feel a bit uncomfortable posting this tbh, but this is part of why I have a journal in the first place. For anyone who might be reading this, sorry that it’s off topic.
