FREEDOM FROM THE BONDAGE OF SELF

[bunsofaluminum]

Oh, I hope that headache clears up! It's miserable, and it sounds just awful. The headaches that put you to bed are the worst.

Not. Fun.

Maybe see a dr and find out if they can find out what's wrong?

good for you, passing on those cupcakes.

[Anna Green]

I hope this post finds you pain free. Good attitude in spite of it.

So how were Bob's potatoes? What else you got to eat?

[RAS]

Hey! I forgot to wish you Happy Birthday yesterday.Hope it was a good one.RAS

[Dechen]

Hey! I forgot to wish you Happy Birthday yesterday.Hope it was a good one.RAS

O heck... Hippy Burpday!!!!!

[Anna Green]

Hey! I hope you had a Happy Birthday! Mostly, I am wishing you a year full of contentment.

[kkrichar]

Thanks for the birthday wishes. My party was AWESOME!!!! No one brought anything (as I requested). Not only did I want to avoid craving something someone brought that I couldn't have but I wanted an opportunity to expose my friends to a variety of items that are plant based and yummy. Here's what I made:

Pumpkin hummus (HUGE success) with chopped veggies
Roasted Red-pepper and sundried tomato tapenade with broiled squares of Ezekiel bread
Million bean soup
Potato Pizza (HUGE success)
BBQ Jeff's Burgers rolled into balls
Fruit platter

Everybody loved everything. The things people were most surprised by and couldn't stop eating were the hummus and the potato pizzas. I did put some Daiya on pizzas but not a lot. Everything was no oil added. People were amazed and asked for the recipes!!

I've already made another batch of hummus to bring to work since the doubled recipe for the party was GONE!

I feel really good and actually LOST weight after my birthday!! God bless Dr. McDougall!!

[Dechen]

Well done! I think you did the right thing. Its good to take the opportunity to showcase the joys and tastes of a plant based, oil free woe. I am glad you really got to enjoy your day!

[kkrichar]

I don't have a lot to say. I just want to be here and let others know I'm here. I'm struggling with life. I'm tired of the battle but I don't exactly know how to stop all my destructive behaviors. I have stopped some and I know it's possible. I see how happy people are here when they give up the fight with SAD food. I believe I would feel the same way. If I went to work on time I know I would be more productive and feel better about myself. If I was more productive at work I think it would guide me toward some answers about life goals regarding career. I believe all these things and yet I can't get out of the cycle of self-destruction. Last night I was feeling so sorry for myself. I swore I would throw myself down on my knees in the morning and beg God to keep me from SAD food. I would get out of bed no matter how tired I thought I was. I would just do it! No more wishing. No more writing. No more talking. Just do it! I was 2 hours late for work and grabbed a butter croissant and a scone on my way to the office. Now I'm drinking a cup of hot chocolate. It was as if last night never happened.

I was kind of sick last week and stayed home from work a couple days. I sat in front of the TV for days watching hours and hours of news coverage on the CT shootings. I read back and forth bickering on Facebook between pro-gun and anti-gun proponents. Everyone is this country is in so much pain and it just poured over me for days. It's still there. I went to the library and checked out an autobiography of Gandhi. I thought it might help to put the focus back on myself. Stop thinking about what everyone else is doing. Just do the next right thing. I'm on the chapter where Gandhi makes a commitment to eating vegetarian. He had gone to England to study and his mother made him promise he wouldn't eat any meat or eggs while in England. He gave her his word. While in England everyone kept telling him he wouldn't survive there without meat. He would only eat boiled cabbage and bread and some oatmeal. That was all that was available at the bording houses where he stayed. He was hungry all the time but his word meant something to him. He gave his mother his word and he wasn't going back on it. This made me even sadder because my word means nothing to me. A number of years ago I watched, well started to watch, the DVD "Meat Your Meat" about animal cruelty in the food industry. I cried so hard I had to stop the video after 10 minutes. I've never been able to go back and finish it. I swore I would never be responsible for animal cruelty like that every again. I didn't stick to that. I've joined challenges here vowing to make it through the holidays or whatever. I never do. I've promised friends to be accountability buddies and after a few weeks we just stop. I try to think about my health, my athletic ability, my spirituality, my example to others, my feelings of self-worth, my love of animals, my finances, anything that I can think of that might be the thing that makes eating SAD or VAD a deal breaker for me. Nothing impacts me for long when the desire for off-plan food hits. My word is meaningless. My intentions are irrelevant. I'm filled with self-loathing and I see the way out and I don't take it. I'm like a prisoner, crying and cowering in the corner of a prison cell. Someone opens the door and says, "all you have to do is follow me through this door," and I don't do it. Why?

I won't give up. I brought SNAP for lunch and I will eat it.

[4MyHeart]

I've been right where you are. What I believed I wanted was not nearly as important as what my taste buds wanted. They controlled me. And along with relinquishing my personal control, came other poor choices. No exercise. I want to stay home. I wanted to watch tv mindlessly. I had terrible internal anxiety.

What helped me was to identify foods as detrimental to me. Seriously detrimental. Dangerous to my body and my life. I do not want to die young if I can help it. I do not want to be crippled by disease if I can help it. And I will. If I do nothing I will not be able to enjoy my grandchildren in a few short years. I will be fat, I will have arteries that will not carry the oxygen my heart needs, and blood that will be sludgy. I will start by having strokes, and slowly losing my ability to remember. Then, one day, I will undoubtedly be with someone I love when I can't breathe. I will see the panic on their faces when they have no idea what to do as I turn blue and stumble to the floor.

Will I live? And what kind of life will I live? No, NO!

I have a choice. And you have a choice. Start now. Right now. Enjoy your snap meal as your body thanks you.

See, it's not all about me. It's about who I am to those that love me. Who I want to continue to be. It's about the adventures awaiting in my future. It's about trips to Disney. It's about life.

[kkrichar]

Wow, 4MyHeart, that was a really powerful image. Thank you!!!! I am eating my SNAP and dumped out the rest of the hot cocoa.

[4MyHeart]

. I needed more than good words and recommendations to make the right choices. I needed reality. I'm glad I could help.

[mtns]

4Myheart, Thankyou for the words you wrote. They are a great reminder of ultimatly why I am doing this.
Kathy

[kirstykay]

Kelly,
Can I just say, thank you? Thank you for your honesty. Thank you for showing up and being a truth-teller. You are an inspiration to me because you NEVER quit. You may make mistakes and be frustrated, but you don't hide for long. I relate so much to everything you said, and I have felt how you are feeling so many times, I can't even stand it.

You've gotten some good advice and a great reality check from 4myheart! - (Thank you for those wise words!)

I can so relate to the cycle of self-loathing and defeat you described in your post. I've been there more times than I can count, believe me! I find that when I am in a downward spiral like that, I am all in my head, and I am believing LIES that are simply NOT TRUE. You are NOT powerless. You are strong and courageous. You have tasted victory and know how to live a life that honors your health and your truth. You are generous and gracious, kind and filled with compassion. You have so many gifts to share...and you DO share them. You've shared them with me. You've shared them with the girls in the running club. You've shared them with others struggling with addiction. You share them in your work, and in your teaching. You are so amazing, and have always inspired me! That's the TRUTH!

When we get caught up in a cycle of self-destruction, we are just living out of a place of bondage and lies instead of living out the reality of what is really TRUE!

Fight the lies with the truth. Here is the truth:

YOU SAY / GOD SAYS

You say: "It's impossible"
God says: All things are possible
(Luke 18:27)

You say: "I'm too tired"
God says: I will give you rest
(Mat.11:28-30)

You say: "Nobody really loves me"
God says: I love you with an everlasting love
(John 3:16 & John 3:34)

You say: "I can't go on"
God says: My grace is sufficient
(II Corinthians 12:9 & Psalm 91:15)

You say: "I can't figure things out"
God says: I will direct your steps
(Proverbs 3:5-6)

You say: "I can't do it"
God says: You can do all things
(Philippians 4:13)

You say: "I'm not able"
God says: I am able
(II Corinthians 9:8)

You say: "It's not worth it"
God says: It will be worth it
(Roman 8:2)

You say: "I can't forgive myself"
God says: I Forgive you
(I John 1:9 & Romans 8:1)

You say: "I can't manage"
God says: I will supply all your needs
(Philippians 4:19)

You say: "I'm afraid"
God says: I have not given you a spirit of fear
(II Timothy 1:7)

You say: "I'm always worried and frustrated"
God says: Cast all your cares on ME
(I Peter 5:7)

You say: "I don't have enough faith"
God says: I've given everyone a measure of faith
(Romans 12:3)

You say: "I'm not smart enough"
God says: I give you wisdom
(I Corinthians 1:30)

You say: "I feel all alone"
God says: I will never leave you or forsake you
(Hebrews 13:5)

Sometimes we feel too weak to fight our battles alone. Believe God is there just for you.. When we cry out to Him, He not only hears us, but He gives us everything we need right then in the moment. Believe Him! There is POWER in God's Word! When I am in a particularly dark place of defeat in my head, I repeat the truth every time a lie pops into my head - sometimes even out loud!

I'm praying for you today. You are a treasure and a blessing to me!

Peace

[mtns]

Thankyou Kristykay for all those wonderful verses. I needed those today.
Kathy

[eri]

Happy new year! Hope 2013 brings you only the best! Thank you so much for your openness & honesty here. It has given me so much perspective even though I don't comment.